This is an overview of the 3-dimensional structure of the Christian concept of marriage.
Ephesians 5:20ff makes it clear that there is a parallel between
the marriage relationship and the church relationship. Therefore,
here we apply the three principles of the church relationship --
unity, diversity, and equality -- to marriage.
"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though
all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For
we were all baptized by one Spirit into the one body -- whether Jews
or Greeks, slave or free -- and we were all given the one Spirit to
drink.... (I Cor. 12:4-6, 12-13 NIV).
This classic passage of Paul's in I Corinthans lays out in careful
detail the doctrine of the unity and diversity of the Church,
described as Christ's body alive on the earth. He makes an analogy to
the physical body, which has many parts but functions as a unit. The
description is sufficient to make the relationship clear in practical
life.
Walter Wangerin, Jr., in As for Me and My House (T. Nelson,
1990), is selected as a Christian spokesman here, for his rich and
full description of the marriage relationship. Another book that is
rich in dialogical content is The Marriage Builder, by
Lawrence Crabb (Zondervan, 1982).
The structure of the marriage relationship is analogous to the
Trinity and the church structure relationship, and uses the same
three terms:
1) Unity: consanguinity, relateness, sharing in the
same substance or essence, oneness: "that they may be one even as we
are one." (John 17:20-23). "make my joy complete by being
like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose."
(Phil. 2:2).
2) Diversity: difference, variety, contrast,
distinction, dissimilarity, individuality: "stewards of God's varied
grace" (I Pet. 4:10), "Having gifts that differ according to the
grace given to us" (Rom. 12:3); "But grace was given to each of us
according to the measure of Christ's gift." (Eph. 4:7-12).
3) Equality: parity, impartiality, co-importance,
equivalence, commonality, mutuality, interdependence, fairness,
essential to the whole: "as a matter of equality your abundance at
the present time should supply their want, so that their abundance
may supply your want, that there may be equality." (2 Cor. 8:14);
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free,
there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ
Jesus." (Gal. 3:28). "For God shows no partiality." (Rom. 2:11).
In Christian marriage all three of these relational terms are
operating simultaneously and continuously as one
relationship. The Scripture passages all urge Christians to
strive to maintain this relationship through love.
The Unity-Diversity-Equality relationship is a "trimeme" that has
many applications in other areas of Christian theology.
If one or more of the three terms in the relationship is denied or
diminished, a simpler, more impoverished structure results.
Sub-Christian views or heresies arise from these reduced
relationships. There are seven possible forms of these views,
depending on which of the terms are diminished, as follows:
1. Unity + Diversity affirmed, Equality rejected:
Hierarchy, in which one dominates the other. Very
common in marriages. The lack of equality often leads to suppression
of the gifts of the lower-level partner, and hence a lack of his or
her fulfillment.
2. Unity + Equality affirmed, Diversity rejected:
Conformity, an attempt by both partners to be alike.
this is unrealistic and superficial. God makes each person unique,
with a unique plan.
3. Diversity + Equality affirmed, Unity rejected:
Plurality, a notion of "50-50 sharing" or taking
turns making decisions. This leads to suppression of the other 50% of
each partner, or a lack of ability to contribute to mutual
decisions.
4. Unity affirmed, Diversity and Equality rejected:
Monism. Loss of individual identities in the
overriding power of the relationship.
5. Diversity affirmed, Unity and Equality rejected:
Relativism. Independence, as in a "marriage of
convenience" where each goes his own way.
6. Equality affirmed, Unity and Diversity rejected:
Dualism. This occurs when two nearly equal partners
become polarized against each other, leading to unresolved fights and
eventually divorce.
7. Unity, Diversity, and Equality all rejected:
Anarchy. No relations or rules; loss of all
structure.
For further details see "A Relational Analysis of Social Groups" by
P. Arveson in Perspectives in Science and Christian Faith,
v.39, 4 (Dec. 1987).