One of the "failure modes" in a marriage has to do with the issues of dependence, independence, and co-dependence. As Christians, people are dependent ultimately on God for their personal security. A beautiful treatment of this issue in dialogical form is given by Crabb:
"Spiritual truth can be compared to a balance beam, a narrow platform from which we can easily fall off either side. The central truth that serves as the platform for Christian marriage -- and for all Christian relationships -- is that in Christ we are at every moment eternally loved and genuinely significant.Lawrence J. Crabb, Jr., The Marriage Builder: A Blueprint for Couples and Counselors, Zondervan (1982).
Too often Christians fall off this platform of truth into error. When key relationships (marriage, family, friendship) or life events (job, health, prestige) fail to make me feel secure or significant, it may be difficult to hold firmly onto the fact that I remain a worthwhile person. When a wife communicates disrespect for her husband or when a husband emotionally withdraws from his wife, it is not easy for the rejected partner to grasp with warm conviction the truth of acceptance and worth in Christ.
Rejection and failure can easily nudge us off the platform of truth into Error 1: Because someone has rejected me or I have failed, I am less worthwhile as a person.
It is also possible to slip from the platform of truth into error on the other side. The truth that "Christ is all I need" may sometimes degenerate into a defensive posture to avoid personal hurt by maintaining a safe emotional distance in relationships. I once heard a lonely but proud man say to a Christian colleague, 'Because I have Jesus, I am worthwhile with or without you. Your criticism therefore doesn't get to me at all. Nor does your acceptance really matter to me. It would represent a lack of faith in the Lord to let you affect me emotionally.' He fell headlong into Error 2: Hiding behind the truth of our worth in Christ to avoid feeling pain in relationships.
....We can now complete the diagram:
In Christ, I am significant and secure; therefore I can live responsibly before God no matter what happens.
Error 1: Rejection and failure mean that I am a less worthwhile person.
Error 2: Christ is all I need; therefore I can avoid intimate relationships with others."
This discussion of individual security is related to the issue of affirming equality (not inferiority) and unity (intimacy) in the dialogic here. Crabb gives several other examples of dialogical insights in his book.